My presidency organized a multi stake dance two years ago at the rodeo grounds in Lehi. Everything went well and we felt confident and excited going into the dance this year. We made all of the same preparations. We even had the young men's presidency all miss except for one which was the same as last time too. So we weren't worried having less leadership there because we were used to it. The dance went well. The DJ, Cooper Brown, was amazing as always. We rounded up enough chaperones and had all of the areas of the rodeo grounds covered. Then the dance ended and we all breathed a sigh of relief. We started cleaning up and then we heard sirens. We couldn't get the lights on because the switch was in a locked room. So we text Megan to text someone from the city but no one came. We just made the best with the lights on from the DJ. I was inside the arena cleaning up nine square. Then we saw the sirens stop right outside the rodeo grounds. I ran out to see what was happening. Someone told me a girl had been hit by a car. I went straight to the girl and she was laying on the ground unconscious and the paramedics were there putting her on the stretcher. Then I saw the girl's mom. She was in shock and being attended to by some other adults. A police officer asked the mom what happened. She saw the whole thing. She said her daughter was crossing the street. A car was coming but saw Jenna and stopped for her to cross. They did a little dance where the car waved Jenna on and then Jenna waved the car on. Neither were going so then they both went at the same time. The car stepped on the gas to get past more quickly and it launched Jenna even farther into a parked car. Then arrangements were made to drive the mom to the hospital and a paramedic said was she was being taken to Primary's in Lehi and she was unconscious but breathing on her own. Then I stood by the other leaders not sure what to do and the emotions just hit me. I was in shock too that it was really happening. There were so many kids there and parents lined up to pick up their kids. It seemed like kids were picked up pretty quickly after that and before we knew it the grounds were empty and it was only the police there completing their investigation. We left there in shock and not knowing what was going to happen.
We prayed and prayed. It was a rough night trying to go to sleep but feeling responsible and wondering what more I could have done. I had to let the stake president know. Thankfully I found out the name, address, and stake president's name while we were at the scene. A dad there was picking up his daughters and he had all of the information. That was very helpful to pass on to the stake president.
The next day was really rough because we found out her brain stem was too damaged and that she wasn't going to make it. My presidency and I were devastated. I was just a mess that whole day. I was trying to finish up a school assignment and it was rough. I could barely focus to complete it.
The stake Presidency came over and gave me a blessing. It was very comforting and talked about overcoming the natural man and fighting off the thoughts that would be coming in my mind. I knew that meant I shouldn't blame myself. It was just an accident. It was still hard to fight off those thoughts. It was another couple of weeks before I could shake those thoughts.
Sunday was rough because I woke up feeling peace but once I got to church I couldn't keep my composure and I cried through all of sacrament meeting. I went home after because I didn't want to cry through Sunday School.
Monday a vigil was organized. Lynnlee and I went together and cried through the whole thing. It was hard to think that Jenna's life was ending. She made such a huge impact and so many people came to the Vigil. There were so many beautiful pictures of her. Notes could be written to the family. Her favorite music was playing. Then we all lit candles and it was beautiful and terribly sad at the same time.
At that point Jenna was on life support at the main Primary Children's hospital. Her family wasn't ready to say good bye so they kept her life going through that week. Emily Belle Freeman ministered to the family at the hospital so that was really cool to hear about. Megan and her kids are really good friends with the Sharps and so they told us about going to visit the family at the hospital as well. The family is very faithful so knew Jenna was going to a better place. President Freeman told them God had a bigger plan for Jenna and that she was needed on the other side of the veil.
Friday night that week, the night she was to be taken off life support, my presidency met up on the North Lake Trail. We walked the trail and each shared all of our feelings and experiences with it all. Megan was gone the night of the dance but helped reserve the grounds and work with the city. Jeanne-Marie had left early so she didn't know all of the details from the night. We all cried together.
Saturday Jenna's family took her off life support. The rest of her body was uninjured so she was able to donate all of her organs, tissues, and eyes. She was able to bless so many lives through her donation.
Jenna's funeral was the Saturday a week after she was taken off life support. The Thursday or Friday before the funeral I bought a Willow Tree figurine of a girl with a bird in her hand. I bought a sympathy card from the store and wrote a letter to the family. I let them know I planned the dance and that I was so sorry about the accident. I asked for their forgiveness. I put my name and number so they could call me if they wanted to talk but I left the names off of my presidency for Megan's protection. She hadn't told the family she was involved in the planning and it was a tricky situation since she was really good friends with the family and her kids were best friends with Jenna and Jenna's older sister.
Lynnlee and I went to the funeral. It was sad and beautiful. Emily Belle Freeman spoke. Her words were very comforting. She spoke about the plan God has for Jenna. Jenna's dad and the bishop also spoke. It was comforting to hear more about Jenna and also more details about the night of the accident. My presidency went up to President Freeman after the funeral and told her we were struggling because we felt responsible. She reiterated about God's plan for Jenna and also let us know we planned a fun dance and Jenna was so happy there. Jenna's mom picked up Jenna from the dance and when she was walking to the car she had the biggest smile on her face. President Freeman told us we helped her have a very happy night.
Lynnlee and I went out to eat after the funeral. It was an emotionally heavy day so it was nice to get out and enjoy a meal together.
So I don't want to forget some of the amazing blessings that I saw personally through this difficult trial.
There were a lot of youth who saw that accident or who were right there after it happened. I was so worried about them in the trauma they had just experienced. I felt inspired to minister to any young women who were struggling. We reached out to all of the young women's presidents in our stake and asked if anyone was struggling and if we could visit them. We started off visiting two sisters who saw the whole thing. We had a nice visit with them and they were actually doing better than expected. Then that led to visiting two young women in another ward who really were struggling. We visited with them for over an hour and it was better than expected. I was a little worried going to the visits because I was struggling myself and so I didn't know how I could bring comfort to others when I myself was a mess inside. It ended up being very good to visit and I felt like the Lord blessed me to be able to do that and I felt his love for me.
I really have struggled with feeling like we could have prevented it or if only we had planned better. Also, I felt like it was hard to see any good my presidency has done. So here is what I don't want to forget. My presidency went to Stake Council a week after the accident. We didn't want to go but we did. Sister Betham reported from her mission. When she was asked to share about her mission she started off telling her story of why she decided to go on a mission. She told of not having a desire to go on a mission and then she went to a fireside where an artist shared about his art work. He encouraged the youth to go on missions. That fireside changed her and after that she decided to go on a mission. Hearing this lifted my presidency because we planned that fireside. It was so amazing to hear that we did do something good. We were all crying and we told Sister Betham that we planned that and how we had been feeling down so we appreciated that we helped her.
A few days later I was having a down day. That night the Loch Lomond yw wrote positive messages on my side walk and also the side walks of my presidency's. It brought tears to my eyes. It made me feel loved and brought comfort.
Another day I woke up and couldn't get the accident off my mind. One of my running routes is past the rodeo grounds but I haven't been able to run that route since that accident happened. So I was going running that morning and ran a different route and felt discouraged by the accident. Then my thoughts just snowballed and i was wondering why we didn't have traffic control and kid control. I felt sad and guilty. Then I started to wonder about multi stake dances hosted by other stakes. Have they had traffic control, leaders outside, etc. I didn't know who to ask or how to find out. Then that night my friend Amy who was the stake yw president before me, she texted me and asked how I was doing. I was able to voice to her my questions and I asked her what she did when she hosted a dance. She told me that they didn't have traffic control and that you can't plan for everything youth are going to do. She also said they had youth on the roof of the building. It helped me feel better and was good timing.
Another comfort is the youth theme this year, Look Unto Christ. My presidency taught lessons on this youth theme over and over again from January through March. Then it is like we were tested with a real life experience. We had to Look Unto Christ.
Another thought I had was why do bad things happen to good people. It is so hard to see such a good person die so young who was so faithful. I had this question answered in a podcast. He quoted the scripture, "lean not unto thine own understanding. My ways are not your ways." That helped answer that question.
A few days after the funeral, Jenna's mom texted Megan. She said she knew Megan helped plan it and she said she forgave us and didn't hold any hard feelings or blame us. That brought closure.
I would say that for the first few weeks after the accident I really struggled. Every Saturday night at 11:00pm I would remember the accident. It would replay in my mind. I would see things my teenagers were doing and have immediate sadness that Jenna wouldn't be going to FSY, girls camp, getting a summer job, etc. It still makes me feel sad but I would say in general I'm moving forward with faith and hoping that she is in heaven welcoming all of the girls from Camp Mystic who died tragically in the flood. I hope that Jenna's family can feel her and continually be comforted in their loss.
One good thing for me personally since the accident is that I'm able to cry more, in a good way. I used to never be able to cry, even when I felt sad, even when I wanted to be sad with others who were feeling sad. I couldn't cry. It was like a constipation of tears. Now that has completely changed. My tears are always at the surface and if you tell me something sad, I will be crying on the spot. If you are crying, I will cry with you. The nice thing is that I can compose myself after I start crying. The one thing I'm working on is being able to talk normal while crying. Usually my voice goes really high and awkward when I cry so it is hard to understand me. I'm trying to work on my voice so I can cry and talk in an audible voice.
