We went to Cory Wride Memorial Park with friends one day. James loved playing with his buddies, Kaden had a friend, Sienna made friends with some of the girls there, and Taggart played with Kaden and his buddy. Lynnlee was my buddy. We were sitting by a few of the other moms we were there with. The conversation was fun. We all had umbrellas because it was very hot. The wind picked up so the umbrellas started be unsteady. I had mine on it's side and just kept a hand on it. One of the other moms put her umbrella on it's side right in between me and her. I was sitting on the end so it made a wall between me and all of the other moms. Literally couldn't see anyone. There was no way for me to move to be where I could see them and be apart of the conversation. It was so frustrating that the other mom didn't even look outside herself, no awareness or consideration of how moving her umbrella pushed me out. Was I invisible? Was she mad at me? Did I say something wrong? This is the story of friends in my life. Through elementary school and middle school I bounced between friends. Nothing really stuck until 9th grade. I had a main friends group that fluctuated slightly but mainly the same core. The thing about them is that I was included about 60% of the time. It was so hard being left out. I would show up to school after a lonely weekend and they would share all of the fun things they had done without including me. Then there were times I would reach out and call whatever house they were hanging out and they were rude. It went on like this through the rest of high school and college. I prayed for good friends so it's was an answer to prayers when I started hanging out with a group of boys during my junior and senior year because there is no drama with boys. The more friends the merrier. No one is left out. Even now those friends will bring up things they did and ask: "Don't you remember doing (insert activity here)? We did it all the time in high school?!" Me-"Uh, yeah...you didn't invite me....remember how you always left me out?!" They were also the type of friends that when they found out your "crush" they started flirting with them and going after them too. When Marshall and I started dating we were secretive about it due to that.
So when the umbrella created a wall and nothing was done by any of the other moms to fix it I felt pretty low and invisible. It dug up old wounds. There were some tears shed when I got home. I've reflected on this. My experiences have taught me to make sure others around me don't feel left out. Also I try to make sure my daughters are kind and don't leave others out.
The next day those same moms were all going to Splash Summit. I wasn't invited but knew they were going to be there because James had talked to his friends. We were already planning on going. I really didn't want to be around them but I put on my big girl pants and text them. I was kind and friendly. I saved a spot for them by the wave pool next to our stuff.
